Yesterday, I went over to the nursing home to see if I could get Dad out for a doctors appointment. It had snowed and so, I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to want to go out, but I was looking forward to spending a little time with him.

I walked in to dad’s darkened room, shades drawn closed as always. Peaceful and clean shaven all ready for a trip out, he was lying down as is his usual posture these days when I arrive.I stood quietly by the curtain that partitions his room. Opening his eyes, he looked at me and said in a whisper “I know who I am.” Silence. “You know who you are.” I acknowledged finally. “you know you are Ross Flanagan.” He nodded without expression. I sat down on the bed and took Ross Flanagan’s hand.
“You know who you are and the things you have done and places you have been?” I searched for meaning for a definition, I suppose. “Well I don’t know about all that” he offered. “But I DO know who I am.” with conviction.

We talked for a bit and then looking to connect to his heart I picked up the papers printed with Dad’s favorite songs and sang for a bit. He smiled and remarked “I am so glad I saved those.” Turning to the last song, “How can I keep from Singing? Ross quietly mouthed along every word. Such is the power of those things we hold dear, those things we repeat to ourselves day in and day out throughout our lives. A favorite song like a coveted icecream flavor remains forever on the tip of the tongue.

“I know who I am” became a quiet reflection for me through out the day.It was afterall, Shiva Ratri, The Great Night of Shiva in the Hindu calendar. This night falls when the moon is a sliver in February. Traditionally it is a night when the energies of the earth are pulling us inward. Turning within, we acknowledge our highest and truest self. The Self that is never changing, always there, in us and in everything else also. The power of the God Shiva and the mantras associated with him, have the capacity to turn us inward to acknowledge, cherish and understand our true selves. In this regard, the statement “I know who I am” was perfectly fitting for the Holiday our family had been celebrating. And so this simple statement seemed to affirm our connection no matter how faraway the memories hide.